Tuesday, February 21, 2012

It never happens when you want it to

This past month, I've had a hell of a time finishing books. Every single book I've read has felt like an uphill battle in three feet of snow with gale force winds pounding down on me. In short, I've temporarily lost my reading and reviewing mojo. Which is pretty much the most horrible thing that could ever happen to me, considering reading is how I de-stress and have fun. (It is also bad because I have 5 challenge books I need to read and 2 mandatory reviews that are due like... at this very moment.) This sort of happened at the worst possible time it could have happened. Then again, when is an opportune or "wanted" time to go into a funk of any kind?

I know why this one came on. I've gotten lazy. The depressed sort of lazy. I was doing excruciatingly bad in a certain class in school and had to drop the course, which incidentally pushed back getting my A.A. for another semester. Then I had plans to attend RT this year, for the first time ever and those were shot down after months of excited planning. After that, I was extremely excited about possibly going some place even more awesome than a book convention (India) and those plans were not workable in the end. I'm making A's in all my courses but have fallen behind on the work and reading.

I have, for fear of making anything else go wrong, shut myself of in a state of laziness. If I don't do anything, then nothing bad will happen to me, right? Completely and totally, foolishly WRONG.

Things are still happening to me. My being lazy has resulted in not planning for projects that are due in a few months, I have missed assignments and I missed a classroom chat today that I completely forgot about. Honestly? My inactivity is screwing with everything even more than just letting the bad things happen. My poor pet even needs his cage cleaned, very badly.

This stupid funk has to go away now. Doesn't it see that I have to DO ALL THE THINGS? On the one hand I adore not doing anything productive, because having free time is awesome. At the other end of this, I am freaking out so much because nothing is getting done and it needs to be done and I am a worthless lazy bum and all of these negative thoughts that I don't need are coming into my brain and suffocating me. ARGH. I just need to take a breath and plunge into this work, that is the only way this is going to happen.

As my friend would say, "Dude, you just need to get over it, and do it." I'm going to start taking her advice right this very second. I am putting my depression and bad feelings into a little box and ignoring them until I have the time for them. So, look for at least one review post this week and a fan letter friday, because come hell or high water I am going to return to blogging and the internet this week.

Thank you for listening,

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